On April 8th 1994 I was 11 years old and woke up to a bright Friday morning assuming it would be another school day. I looked at my alarm clock to shock of it saying it was 10 am. school had started 2 hours ago and couldn't understand how I was so late. I threw my cloths on and ran into the living room to find my mom waiting for me. the TV was on with scenes of police at a crime. The views of a dead body on carpeted floor kept going across the screen. I stopped for a moment not quite understanding what I was seeing.
I looked at my mom and then back at the TV just in time to hear Kurt Loader say one of the worst things that I had heard at that point in my life. "Kurt Cobain, front man for the Grunge band Nirvana was found dead this morning in his Bellevue WA. home." It may sound stupid to some but everything just stopped in that moment. Even at 11 I had a huge fandom for Kurt, for Nirvana and it was like they were announcing that music had been outlawed. I found myself collapsing on to the couch next to my mother looking at her begging her to make not true. It had to be a sick joke or a prank or stunt. It had only been a few months prior that we had got to see at the state fair that year. Not having the money to actually attend the show we wait just to get to see him go on stage.
Kurt died 20 years ago this month. I know I'm a bit late in getting this online for the anniversary of his death but to be honest it took a bit to put the courage together to do it. I was never fortunate enough to meet the man and as I have just said I had only ever gotten to just get a live glimpse of him. But every year I try to take the 5th of April to remember this man who brought a generation of people together. His music gave purpose to thousands of people who found them selves not fitting, who felt lost and no sense of control in their life.
As I sit here putting this together I find myself watching Nirvana Unplugged in New York which as most know is arguably the last public appearance Kurt would make. I find a very deep connection with his music as many other people from my generation do . I will end my whining on the subject soon but I would like to say that I will never point fingers simply because we will never know the truth one way or another about Kurt's death. But I will put out there that I still do not believe he killed himself. For those of you who want to argue the point I will use this one fact. His case is still open. There are far too many holes and discrepancies for the suicide answer to be true.
To end this I would just like to ask that the next time you hear a Nirvana song you take a moment to take it in and enjoy it. There are still many great bands and musicians out there But there were only a hand full before Kurt and there hasn't been a band with the same impact since. I can honestly say that his music saved my life at one point and though I will not go into the details I will just say that All Apologies will always hold a special place in my heart. I wish would could have seen what he would have brought to this world by now but sadly that won't happen. So in closing I will just say God bye and you will Never be forgotten Kurt!
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